Dr Myles Munroe on Divorce series 3 : Overcoming Trauma
Dr Myles Munroe on Divorce series .
In this article, we will bring out the ” Dr Myles Munroe on Divorce series 3″, the preacher thrills us on how to overcome trauma after you have been through a divorce or separation and how to recover from it . You can read the previous articles on “Dr Myles Munroe on Divorce series”
- Dr Myles Munroe on Divorce Series 2 : How to Recover From a Divorce
- Dr Myles Munroe – The Divorce Series 1;The Origin of Divorce
How to overcome trauma
Psalms 34:17 -18 : The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
This scripture tells us how to deal with the trauma of someone leaving. This is interpreted as;
Go to God, when you get dumped or rejected because he loves you. Jesus was anointed to mend broken hearts. There’s no psychologist that can handle your heart. God can make you whole again. Not a patched being or a crushed spirit but he wants to return you to your original self. No stigma of divorce, but you. Walk around as a single person not a divorcee. Never try to sell your self cheap in attempt to cure the pain, only God can mend your heart. When the memories of being married keep hunting you, it is normal to think your life is over after a divorce. But no matter what happens, God is a heart mender. Dare to believe He is there to fix you, hence do not quit too quick. Turn to him. your heart may be broken, your spirit maybe a little bruised, but your source of life will never run dry. You can live after its all over.
It is okay to be sad, feel down, God is a bone healer and a heart keeper. trust in him.
Nonetheless, there are several stages people go through after they have experienced a divorce or a separation.
Withdrawing to self:
People who get hurt usually become introverts. And this is so dangerous because Isolation can make you a prisoner to self. Proverbs 28: 25 “The greedy stir up conflict, but those who trust in the LORD will prosper”. when you isolate yourself from people, lock up yourself and have no friends, the bible calls you a fool. Meaning you believe you can work it out your self and ignoring seeking the guidance of God. One thing that causes withdrawal is pride.
The reverse of withdrawal. In this stage, you become extra extroverted. You begin to socialize without no purpose. Some people think instant relationships guarantees relief but this is a myth. They sleep with everyone, hang around with the enemies of their ex partners, they socialize in order to drown out the reality of the pain. Being with everyone and everywhere doesn’t wipe out the pain and it also doesn’t show your ex that they are replaceable. Don’t try to fill in the hurt with relationships. No, it doesn’t work that way.
All you need is a quiet moment, asking God for his consent and guidance, when you are divorced. Don’t think you are a failure. failing never makes you a failure. Proverbs 25: 28″A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls”. if you become a social butterfly you will be controlled by everyone. Don’t sleep with everyone just to make a point. Stop using people by creating superficial relationships with them.
Try to get a balance between too few and too many people. Going through a divorce sometimes you try to drown it out with a lot of friends. Trying to get lost in the crowd, you just go out partying or attending social events . Other people only get few friends, that is people who hurt the same as them and of course misery loves comfort. But you have to struggle to strike the balance. Don’t get too many or few friends, set your priorities. Do a soul search, find and understand what you are going through then seek counselor.
This is the stage when you get custody of your self again. Most people usually get married because they are depending on a person and they go through so much trouble after a divorce because of that. Independence is a serious case for divorce. You have to pay your own bills, do things alone, take care of your life. But don’t become too independent that you start thinking you need nobody else. You can’t deal with life all by yourself. you must need God.
Where are you and who needs you? (mixed feelings):
This is probably the most difficult stage you may ever go through after a divorce. This is a stage where you emotionally miss the person, you want to know why they left you. Then your moods begin to swing as the thoughts run through your mind. As a result, You get scared to move forward. because you are scared to fail again, you avoid forming new bonds and post relationships. The fear of failure causes mixed feelings.This mixture of feeling is as a result of the trauma. In addition, there’s always a confusion for companionship with marriage. People want companionship not marriage after they have been through a divorce.
This is the last stage. You have to get to the place of openness, after you’ve been hurt, rejected etc. . This is the honest desire to deal with change and start planning for the future. Seek counsel, get advice, but be open to the change. Philippians 3: 12. here is something you do when you go through the hurt. Nothing is worse than going through a divorce, it feels like rock bottom. But even though the pressure is mounting on you, you have to press towards the future. There’s life after divorce, rejection etc.
Give your heart to God for mending and recovery is not going to be easy. It demands work but you have to press on, in order to live again. Don’t quit on yourself because someone else quit on you, keep fighting for yourself. Look to the future. Put your hope in God. Press on to the hand of Jesus and not into another relationship. Become whole again.